My friend asked my why I read Newsmax yesterday. I couldn't answer because my roommate's all-nighter on some mystery assignment had kept me from sleeping for more than two hours at most, and it was nearly midnight. But now I had what I assume is a good amount of sleep, and it's the middle of the afternoon.

The best way to answer this question that I can think of is an analogy between two rather bad metal bands that desperately want to be taken seriously, Rhapsody and Iron Maiden. Now, Iron Maiden really wants you to believe that they're an actual band. Unfortunately, all of their songs are about demons and ghosts and going insane as a result of said demons and ghosts, and equally stupid shit. No amount of basing songs off Samuel Taylor Coleridge poems, or changing time signatures in the middle of the song, or being famous, will make Iron Maiden a real band. Rhapsody, in contrast, has songs that are equally stupid, but does them unapologetically. In their music videos, they carry swords and fight lens flares. Rhapsody's songs have harpsichord solos mixed in with the guitar solos. They have a choir, an orchestra, and Christopher Lee. You cannot take them seriously, and as a result, they are far more enjoyable than Iron Maiden.

Now, let's compare Iron Maiden and Rhapsody to, say, CNN and Newsmax. The analogy seems pretty obvious. CNN might have a slant and it might not, but if it does, it makes a solid attempt to hide that slant. It's fairly obvious just by whatever deck of cards newsmax is trying to sell you this week* what sort of politics they support. Not only that, but they're totally unappologetic about it. In fact, they wish all journalism was replaced with their crap.

Now, to support bush, you must fall into one of two categories. One category is those who are so uninformed that they don't know where they are. The other category actively believes in "support the troops" type slogans more than they believe in the utter lack of proof of any connection between Iraq and Al Qaeda, or the utter lack of WMDs found in Iraq, or the utter lack of any other proof that Iraq was a danger to us. You know, people who read get all of their news from hideously designed sites covered in ads of questionable taste with names starting with N. To the first category, I say "read a fucking paper you dick." To the second, I read newsmax and bitch, and hope in vain that a few people in Ohio or one of those states will read it and think "everything I know is a lie," tell their friends, and Bush will lose the election.

This is probably the least plausible plan to get Bush out of office that I have heard so far, which is why I continue to read actual news.

*The Deck of Reagan, thus proving my point.